Why I Blog
It's possible I blog because I miss my mom. I never imagined four years ago that there would be some days that are still so painful. I told my mom everything. I used to say, "I told my mom and dad everything," which is true, but my dad is no conversationalist. Today I tell him stories about my life, and he has no comments whatsoever. I show up in the morning, try to chat, and then go about my day.
One thing that really trips me out is when people come up to me and say something about my mom. I feel like the fact that my mom passed away defines part of me, and it's so weird when people who know me, don't know that my mom is dead. At the conference this weekend I had a guy call Lesa my mom. I know that I met this guy after my mom passed away, so it's not his fault, I'm just amazed, because I feel like I carry my mom around with me everywhere I go, and to him she is invisible.
Yesterday Lesa was here cleaning out the storage room. I get so anxious about people moving around my mom's stuff. I asked Dad what she was doing up there, and he said he had no idea. How can he remove himself from all that stuff? He brought down a box filled with some sewing stuff, and some glitter, and a half finished Valentine's Day project my mom must have been working on. He asked me if I wanted any of the stuff. I sat there and contimplated how to use the glitter. I thought to myself, well, if this is all she is throwing out, I can feel a little better. On my way out the door to leave, I saw a box on the porch full of my mom's stuff, Christmas ornaments she made, this Christmas card holder she made out of felt. Dad said I could look through the stuff before he got rid of it. I couldn't believe I was trying to save glitter, and he and Lesa were trying to throw out homemade ornaments.
I have this book called Motherless Daughters. I don't really read it, it's kind of security blanket. I could read it, if I ever felt really bad. Last night I looked in the table of contents for "What to do When Your Future StepMom Starts Throwing Out All Your Mom's Old Stuff." That chapter didn't exist.
One thing that really trips me out is when people come up to me and say something about my mom. I feel like the fact that my mom passed away defines part of me, and it's so weird when people who know me, don't know that my mom is dead. At the conference this weekend I had a guy call Lesa my mom. I know that I met this guy after my mom passed away, so it's not his fault, I'm just amazed, because I feel like I carry my mom around with me everywhere I go, and to him she is invisible.
Yesterday Lesa was here cleaning out the storage room. I get so anxious about people moving around my mom's stuff. I asked Dad what she was doing up there, and he said he had no idea. How can he remove himself from all that stuff? He brought down a box filled with some sewing stuff, and some glitter, and a half finished Valentine's Day project my mom must have been working on. He asked me if I wanted any of the stuff. I sat there and contimplated how to use the glitter. I thought to myself, well, if this is all she is throwing out, I can feel a little better. On my way out the door to leave, I saw a box on the porch full of my mom's stuff, Christmas ornaments she made, this Christmas card holder she made out of felt. Dad said I could look through the stuff before he got rid of it. I couldn't believe I was trying to save glitter, and he and Lesa were trying to throw out homemade ornaments.
I have this book called Motherless Daughters. I don't really read it, it's kind of security blanket. I could read it, if I ever felt really bad. Last night I looked in the table of contents for "What to do When Your Future StepMom Starts Throwing Out All Your Mom's Old Stuff." That chapter didn't exist.
posted by happylaney @ 9:28 AM
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