Learn to Not Say "um."

Friday morning I went to a Toastmasters meeting as a guest. It was good, the members were very welcoming. It felt a little like that stereotypical self help class though. I guess officially it is a self help class. I felt the urge to stand up and introduce myself and say, "Hi, I'm Elaine. I have been a terrible public speaker for almost 10 years now."

I originally heard of Toastmasters from a friend. We had a disagreement, and I ended up getting mad. After a couple days I told her I felt like I wasn't the best at communicating on the spot, and wished I could have explained to her how I saw things, instead of getting mad and frustrated. We didn't say anything ugly, we just disagreed, and there should be a way to communicate that without coming away with hard feelings. She said she felt similarly and had done a little bit of research on Toastmasters and suggested maybe we should join together. Pretty good idea on her part.

It's hard to picture myself as a bad public speaker. From this blog, it's obvious I don't have a hard time sharing, and that I can compose sentences and use correct English. In gradeschool and high school I participated in plays and skits. All that was rehearsed though, and usually someone else wrote it. At Mizzou I took a public speaking class and I don't remember feeling nervous at all. At Fresno, though, I put on a Missouri Wine Tasting, and was nervous as all get out for that. Luckily a little wine helped my nerves. Since then, it has seemed to escalate. I sit on the Missouri Wine and Grape Advisory Board, and there are times in the meeting I would like to say something, but I get nervous. I think in school everyone was on a level playing field, and in the real world some people are more experienced, or successful or intimidating. I had to give a small talk at the Ste. Genevieve Chamber of Commerce, and I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. Somewhere I lost some of that young fearlessness.

Already feeling a little nervous about my first speech.