Thanksgiving

I can remember being in my very early teens, 13, 14, 15 maybe, and we went around the table at Thanksgiving dinner and said what we were most thankful for. Although we don't do this every year, we do it fairly often. My cousins, Heather and Natalie were at the farm, and I remember Heather saying she was most thankful that "she knew who she was" or something to that extent. I met that statement with bewilderment and awe. My first thought was, "I'm supposed to be figuring out what?" followed by "God, she's so cool." From here on out I have wanted to say that I am most thankful for knowing who I am, but I never did, because I thought people would remember her saying that. It is etched in my memory so vividly. Plus, I think I didn't know who I was until recently, and honestly I think I am still figuring it out. Maybe I should say that I have always known who I am, I am just now becoming comfortable with that person.

I have a new persceptive on life, through some self confident eyes. Not that type of 17-year-old-you-can't-tell-me-what-to-do-I-rock-and-you're-an-idiot self confidence either. It's more of a genuine understanding of myself, and loving myself type of self confidence. Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I feel totally stupid, and like I can do nothing right (those moments generally happen around dad) but overall I feel like I have a stance on issues, big or small. John will sometimes kid around and answer a question with a bold answer like, "That's because I'm the best teacher around" and it doesn't come off as conceited, it comes off as funny, but he won't laugh, and I love it.

I think moms have to have the most self confidence of anyone. The other day in the grocery store, this teenage girl was cold, so she put on her mom's coat, but exclaimed the coat was "so ugly." And the daughter laughed, and I gave a smile, and the mom just kept shopping.

I miss Heather and Natalie. When we were kids, we would play Barbies or school or air hockey until we fell asleep with exhaustion. When we were teenagers we talked and talked and had the best conversations ever. A good 15 years later, and I am still contemplating the same discussion. I think it's important to have someone ask you questions that you don't know how to answer. It's good to have someone to ponder life with. So, today I am most thankful for my husband (he's brilliant and ever so patient with me) my family (my favorite part of the day was when Abbey thought the word "chrysanthemum" read "crystal meth") and for people in my life who keep me thinking and for the tiny part of me that actually might be comfortable with myself.