It's time to lose your mind and let the crazy out.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I am still living with your ghost. Lonely and dreaming of the west coast.

Cecilia refuses to fall asleep on her own anymore. She used to be the best sleeper ever. Maybe we bragged about her good sleeping habits too much? I think it has to do with our trip to California. I think she might understand more than I expected. I had a brief conversation with her about Brant. During the service she was so quiet and still, like she could feel the sadness in the air. Charlotte was making some noise, so I took both girls outside. I told Cecilia a little about Brant. I can't remember exactly what I said. I wanted her to know a little bit about what was going on, why we were there, and how to be respectful. Ever since then she hasn't slept well. She woke often in CA, didn't sleep all that well in PB, and now that we are home it has gotten worse. It has been a difficult schedule lately, 4 nights in CA, two nights at home, a night in PB, and then back home again.

We do our normal bedtime routine, bath, pj's, brush teeth, read book, tuck in, night night. Except now she cries when we try to leave the room. She wants to hold our hand. A couple nights ago she told John, "don't leave me," and last night she asked us to sleep with her. It's so hard to stand there and hold her hand. If I try to sneak my hand away and she's not asleep yet, she grabs it tighter. It's so hard, it pulls at my heart. I have never felt so needed ever before, but it's also exhausting, and it takes every ounce of patience in me to stand there, and then ever so slowly take my hand away and creep out of the room. If she wasn't in a crib, I think I would just curl up next to her and become my own little episode of Nanny 911.

I thought maybe it was getting better, but I know it's not. We've tried to let her cry it out, Friday we were up until almost 2 a.m. I've tried to put her in time out, I've tried changing her diaper, John has tried rocking her. I'm not sure what to do at all. Do I try to bring up Brant again, try to explain better what is going on? Do we stand there until she falls asleep for many more nights and hope the time we stand there decreases? Do we wait until she falls asleep downstairs and then try laying her down in her bed after she has collapsed?

Anyone been there/done that?

Anyone have any advice?

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  • At 9:33 PM, December 29, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Two summers ago we went on vacation and the hotel had 2 double beds. So Valerie and Steve slept in one and I slept in the other by myself (Lou was in the pack-n-play). After we got back from that vacation Valerie thought that Steve needed to hold her hand and sleep with her (in her twin bed) every night. So for over 8 months Steve held her hand and stayed in her bed until she was asleep. It took us forever to get her broken from this routine. Cecilia might still be too young for this to work, but we started a "flip-flop" chart. Valerie saw a pair of light up princess flip-flops that she had to have so we bought them for her but she couldn't have them until she had 10 stickers on her chart. It took her at least another month to get her 10 stickers but by the time she did the habit was broken. (In fact, Louise beat her and got 10 stickers first for sleeping without her binkie. Hope this helps or at least gives you another idea, but I feel for you guys. Also, you all have my deepest sympathy. Let me know if you need anything.

  • At 6:31 PM, December 30, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We are going through this with Alaric right now. Let us know if you find something that works! I think I'm gonna try Cori's chart idea!

  • At 2:08 PM, January 07, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm a big fan of giving them stuff in bed... I remember Hannah having a whole row of babydolls in her bed all tucked in to go to bed with her... but she may have been a little bit older. We took Hannah's paci away and traded her for a pillow on her 2nd birthday- maybe if you let her have something of yours so you're there with her- a special blanket or pillow -or let her take a toy to bed with her she would be comforted by you without you having to be there... Sounds like some of this stress has passed-- I hope so for you. We've been through almost every nighttime problem I can think of- some we handled quickly and others seemed to linger for a long time. hang in there- -Amanda


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