Stream of Conscientiousness

totally exhausted but not able to sleep...somehow everyday and everynight I use every ounce of energy in me and every evening about this time I can't sleep...I know if I laid down I'd fall asleep, but I'm too wound up...and then in the morning, at 5 a.m., or 4:43 a.m. like this morning when Charlotte decided she was hungry, I'm dog dead tired. We rush around the house, remembering the boppy and breastmilk, and wait what day is today? Which child goes where today? What am I doing after work, what are you doing after work? We're out of groceries and no time to shop. You want to plan a baptism for when? The boss called and somehow wants you to squeeze in just one more thing tomorrow. It's a whirlwind over here, another load of laundry so Charlotte has clean bibs, stop at McD on the way home because Cecilia is having a meltdown she is so hungry. Call that person back for the third time after you've sent two emails because you have to have that thing next week, stop by the bakery 5 minutes before they close so you can order that cake for that party you are throwing in 4 days. Are you there God, it's me, Elaine, and I could use more arms, and more money, and my assisstant at work back, and more patience, and more time with my husband and children, and someone to clean the spare bedroom upstairs so Charlotte can have a room of her own, and someone to keep Charlotte awake at day care for longer than 45 minutes, and someone to swaddle Charlotte at 2:35 a.m. when she's not really hungry but not sleepy either. Oh, and can you get the silverfish out of our house, and remove the snake in the tall grass at the farm, and somehow protect those kittens at the farm whose days are numbered?

The main things are getting done, and no one is going too long in between meals, or with a dirty diaper, and there's lots and lots of kisses and hugs, and a little one learning to use the word, "please," but all the extra things are not getting done, and I guess that's just life, at least life with two little girls, and grape harvest for a wine maker and marching band season for a band teacher. This isn't the oh, God, woe is me I'm exhausted post, it's the oh, God, we're super duper busy over here and just wanted to be able to calm down so maybe I can sleep post.