When I find Myself in Times of Trouble, Mother Mary Comes to Me

November
 6th marked 12 years that my mom has been gone.  It's hard not to think some times what life would be like if she were around, and it's easy to think of those times as happy, but the reality is that they might not be.  I could use some help with these kids, and I wonder if my mom would be able and willing.  I could use some advice at work, and I wonder if I'd be able to listen to what she had to say.  I wonder what it would be like to know her as an adult, as a fellow mom.  Wish she could be at Thanksgiving to make everything beautiful and perfect, and make those longed for mashed potatoes.

It's no lie that my life right now is chaotic, and emotional.  I was talking about it one day to my sister, Christy and she said she's adopted a few songs as Mom's Mantra's, even though mom might not have loved those songs.  One song Christy recommended was "I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty, and even though I don't really like Tom Petty, this gives me new insight to his music.  Mom was so strong.  She taught me to be strong, which I view as a huge asset, but I'm sure there are those around me who wish I wasn't quite so feisty.   One other song Christy said reminded her of mom was "Let it Be" by the Beatles.  

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be"

I find this song most soothing lately, especially since mom's first name was Mary.  Everyone called her by her middle name though.  Although, this would have never been mom's mantra.  She didn't know how to "let it be."  And I guess I'm not that good at it either, but there's many moments lately, where I take deep breaths, close my eyes, and try hard to let her "whisper words of wisdom, let it be."