You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Grey

 Tower Rock in the middle of the mighty Mississippi

It's been so dry I heard people were walking to the rock, but with a little bit of rain, we couldn't get across when we went.  O'well.  Thank goodness for the rain.

Nice rainbow tonight after more rain

Little Learner

I took Cecilia to a sibling class at the hospital, and she just loved it. She's on the right, with the pigtails. She's a natural learner, answered all the questions, and had no problem speaking up or talking to the teacher. At home, she is always using new words, always asking what words mean, always drawing letters or people. Can't wait to see her excel in school. Can't wait to see her be such a good big sister, just like she is with Charlotte.

Gotta Love A Good Girlie Get Together

Try our video maker at Animoto.

Pure Bliss, or something like that

This picture was on John's mom's camera, and I just had to have it. It makes me smile, makes me laugh out loud. Poor Charlotte, did not want to go sledding last year on Cecilia's birthday. We tried to get her to like it, but she was just not having it. I hope some day she can look back on this picture and not think, "look what mom did to me" and instead think, "look at the opportunities mom set before me." Or, maybe she could just have a good laugh too, like I do.

There are many days around here lately that I'd like to make this face too.

This is the good, the bad and the ugly of our life right now.

And, on an even crazier note, I just signed up for NaBloPoMo again. Should be an interesting month for us, so hopefully you three people that are still out there looking at this here blog will stay tuned.

Last Day of Summer Fun

This was John's last day of summer break, so I took off work, and we decided to have one last fun summer day together. We went to City Museum, and had a blast. We'll all sleep good tonight. =) Tomorrow the alarm will go off early, and we're back at 'em, and Friday John starts school again. I think I'm picking grapes tomorrow. Time flies when you're having fun.

First Movie

the poster outside (it was hot and sunny)

the display inside

Popcorn!

We took the girls to their first big screen movie, Winnie the Pooh. It was a short one, a mere 1 hour and 9 minutes, but I was pleased as punch that Charlotte did not decide to roam the halls. When the movie didn't entertain her, the popcorn did. =) Cecilia was a natural, she watches TV and movies like no one I've ever seen. She can't take her eyes off it, and can not have a conversation either. We've been talking about the Backson (from the movie) ever since. There's a new Muppet movie coming in November I'd like to try to brave.

Cecilia Turns 3

Cecilia turned 3 on December 26th, and we had a nice day. The girls got tobaggons for Christmas and it snowed pretty good on Christmas Eve, so Cecilia, Charlotte, Helen and I went sledding at Art Hill; the premier sledding place in the Lou. Cecilia and I loved it. Charlotte hated it, and made Helen's time less enjoyable too. Hopefully she'll like it when she's older. Then we had everyone over in the evening for dinner, cake (pink and purple just like she wanted)(John made the cake), and then opened presents. She's 3!

She drank so hard the bottle ached

Natalie was in town for Thanksgiving, and we went out last night, along with her friend, Maura. We started at Pi and ended at Blueberry Hill, where I left my debit card. =( It took some energy and a wardrobe search to go hang, but I was glad that I did. It's always fun to catch up with Natalie, she's got a million guys, and a million things going for her. Working with practically all guys, plus my Dad, it's so nice to find time to have some girl time and girl talk. I'm somehow refreshed and exhausted all at the same time today. Thanks, to John, my amazing husband who stayed at home so I could go hang with the girls twice this weekend, once with Natalie and Maura and once with Cori and her radioactivism.

Energizer Bunny

Last Saturday we went to the Great Forest Park Hot Air Balloon Race. It was hot, and the balloons didn't go very far, but we got to see a bunch land. We were parked very close to where the Energizer Bunny Hot Air Balloon landed and so we watched them put it away. Cecilia got to help fold it up, which I thought was so cute. A line of people in their pink Bunny shirts, and then Cecilia right in the middle of it. What a nice afternoon.

Here's a picture from the Hot Air Balloon Race last year. The girls are growing fast.

Date Night

Friday night my brother Matt and sister in law Sharon and their two girls, Emily and Julie watched our two girls while John and I had some alone time. Our go to place is Buffalo Wild Wings. Hot wings, Bud Light, light conversation, people watching, sports watching, and trivia playing is about all we need to relax for an hour or two. We like to play the trivia game, and I took this picture when we were done playing. John won every game. This happened to us at the BWW in Poplar Bluff too.

I chose wisely.

Lilith

One week before the Lilith Fair came to St. Louis, I received an email from a lady at GM Communications saying Chevrolet is sponsoring the Lilith Fair and she had tickets for me. I emailed her back, and soon enough Christy, Abbey, Sara and I were on our way to the Verizon Ampitheatre on a Friday afternoon, hidden flask and all. The line up didn't look that impressive on paper, but the music was very good. I was very happy we got to hear Ingrid Michaelson. Who knew I even knew a few of her songs? Metric was full of a UK electric pop vibe, and Emmylou Harris was ethereal. There were lots of great moments that only a Lilith Fair could create, like when Christy asked, "did you see all those uteruses?" or when the thought came into my mind, "why is there a man in the girls bathroom?" Sarah McLachlan is probably my all time favorite feminine singer, so she stuck out leaps and bounds, but I was happily surprised by Mary J. Blige's performance. She came out in a gold outfit and high heels, big bangle earrings, and the entire crowd automatically got off their feet and starting dancing and swaying. I never saw so many lesbians trying hard to dance like Ellen in my life. She was very womanly, and filled my heart with so much pride to be feminine.

Mary J. Blige's song, "I Am" was particularly moving for me. The lyrics sang to me.

Ain't nobody gonna treat you better
Ain't nobody gonna touch you better
Ain't nobody gonna love you better
boy
than I am
Than I am

I'm sure these words were made for a lover, but I couldn't help thinking about my daughters. My mom wrote down her memories of her mom for a geneology thing, and I came across them once, soon after I was married, and not long after she had passed. Mom wrote that while her mom, my Grandma Gen, was in the hospital, she gave my mom some "Mad Money" to go spend on herself, not on her husband or kids. My mom then wrote that she didn't think anyone would love her like her mom loved her. As a newlywed, when I read that, I couldn't help think that was a slight on my dad. Now that I am a mom myself, I recognize those feelings. It isn't diminishing the love between husband and wife, rather it's building on that love. John is the love of my life, but I do believe that no one is going to love my girls the way that I do; the way that a mom can.

And so lies my struggle.

After being married a year or three, the question of raising a family came up and I was terrified of having a child, mainly because I was scared of the grief that I imagined would resurface. After being married 6 years, a baby entered our lives, and God couldn't have given us a better blessing, except for giving us another bundle of joy 16 months after that. I was either pregnant or nursing (or both(!)) from March 2007 to May 2010. I think I had maybe 24 hours for each baby of "baby blues" but survived relatively unscathed in the unhappy emotion aspect, until recently. Now, for the first time in over 3 years I am not pregnant or nursing, and my hormones are a little out of wacked, or perhaps exactly on track (?) and I have many days of feeling tired, exhausted, my body feels heavy, my heart feels heavy. I am occassionally crabby, and often moody. I am reading books like "The Happiest Toddler On the Block" trying to weave my way through this thing called motherhood. All I really think I need is a good talk with my mom, some hard sound advice about my new reality. As much as I love my daughters, I know my mom loved me and I miss that love.

And if I couldn't get any more pathetic, I joined a "Motherless Daughters" meetup group. I was searching for a moms group online that doesn't meet during the day during the week. Am I the only working mom in St. Louis who would like a playdate in the evening or weekend? It appears so. Anyway, while searching the meetup groups (there are some crazy ones out there) I found a Motherless Daughters group based on the book. I sent them an email asking if they still meet, and they replied, yes once a month, on Wednesday evenings. So I joined their group, and rsvped to the meeting last week. It was at a coffee shop not too terribly far from my house. I was scared to go, a little nervous about baring my soul to strange women, but told them I was going, and so go I would. Except... no one else was there.... How heartbreaking and embarrassing to go to a self help group, meet people from the internet, and have none of them show up. =(

Yuck.
Gag.
Sob.
Blah.

And so, I guess I'm doing it myself, gonna miss my mom and raise my kids in my own way, try hard not to snap at them, or my very patient and loving husband, try hard to eat "mood boosting" foods like fish and green tea, and go at it one day at a time, taking solsice knowing I'm not the only mom or woman out there who feels tired or sad on occasion, and the important thing is to "love one another."

We don't need, don't need, no haters
Just try to love one another
We just want y'all have a good time
No more drama in your life
Work real hard to make a dime
If you got beef, your problem, not mine
Leave all that BS outside
We're gonna celebrate all night
Let's have fun, tonight, no fights
Turn the Dre track way up high
Making you dance all night and
IGot some real heat for ya this time
Doesn't matter if you're white or black
Let's get crunk cause Mary's back

Me...On the Tv...Crazy

Click here for a link to my segment yesterday on Great Day St. Louis. It was exhilarating. Carol, one of the hosts, quoted my blog back to me off air. I don't think that's ever happened before. This Chevy promotion sure has been fun. Can.not.believe.the.Equinox.goes.back.tomorrow. The sadness. You still have time to test drive one of these amazing cars. Go now until November 22nd. Get a free massage just for test driving it. Maybe I can go next week and test drive a Traverse and get another free massage. =) Think they'd know? We were supposed to mention the test drives on the show, but somehow the conversation never took that path. I also had good intentions of mentioning the winery, but alas, that didn't happen either.

Just the 4 of us

Joe and Amanda and their family always like to see the Hot Air Balloon Race from on top of St. Mary's Hospital parking lot, and this year we went with them. We were so happy we did, because balloons went directly over us, it was really neat. Here's our attempt at a family photo, with a few hot air balloons in the background.

Turtle Park

Recent Pictures

Horseradish Festival

Saturday we went to Collinsville for the International Horseradish Festival. It was relatively lame, but there were some highlights. #1 We got out of the house. #2 The weather was gorgeous. #3 I had a Bloody Mary with horseradish, and # 4 and the explanation of these pictures was a Horseradish Root Toss.

Let the Game Begin!

Online Surveys & Market Research

Pickle Springs

Friday was my birthday and John was off work, so I took the day off too. It was so nice to have a little bit of down time with my family. We went for a hike in the morning at Pickle Springs, which is a 2 mile trail through rock formations and creeks. John carried Cecilia around, and I carried the camera. It was a little cold, and it definitely seemed longer than 2 miles by the time we went up and down about a hundred hills and valleys, but it was pretty, and pleasant. Then we came home and I spent the rest of the day trying to get my car license renewed. It was supposed to be renewed in September. (I told you we have no free time whatsoever.) In the evening we took Cecilia over to Aunt Donna's house, where she spent the night, and John and I went out for dinner, rented Made of Honor from the Red Box, and both feel sleep at like 8:45 p.m. We're such young, hip, party animals.

Yesterday we went to the Pumpkin Patch with Becky and Brian and Ruthie, and ran into Cori, Steve, Valerie and Louise there. It was fun, but a little too hot. We fed tiny animals, went down a huge slide, ate kettle corn (yum!), picked apples and pumpkins, and watched a pumpkin cannon shoot pumpkins like bullets across fields. Good times.

Week in Review

This is actually last week; John and Cecilia and I went for a walk at Carondelet Park last Friday night. The weather was so nice, and we had fun with the new camera. Last Sunday was Easter, and it was a cold one- it even snowed. We stayed warm, though, surrounded by loved ones. (The beer and wine didn't hurt.) =)